YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN:

•     you take real interest in hospital admissions listed in the paper, to keep track of your friends.
•     you go to visit a friend in the hospital, and the emergency room staff comes toward you with a wheelchair.
•     while trying to figure out your last hospital bill, you have to take additional medication for your blood pressure.
•     that last visit to the specialist cost you more than you earned in the first four years at work.
•     you receive six pieces of mail in the same day, and five of them are from retirement villages, asking you to come and visit them.
•     taking out a three-year subscription to a magazine is an act of positive thinking and real optimism.
•     you decide to put off one more day what you had decided to put off one more day yesterday.
•     you get excited simply watching the Weather Channel on television.
•     you go to the mall not to shop but get a free blood pressure examination.
•     you look forward to the next sale on support hose.
•     licking stamps for your letters is a hard day's work.
•     the doctor tells you that you are as sound as a dollar, and you get very upset.
•     your idea of a wild drinking party is a king-size Coca Cola.
•     you notice that your high school classmate looks older than sin.
•     you can remember when going to a movie didn't cost you as much as the initial down-payment on a refrigerator.
•     you can recall when service stations actually were.
•     you call the ambulance dispatcher and he tells you your address.
•     you begin to lose hope of ever finishing your Green Stamp book.
•     you can remember when it wasn't necessary to call the bank before the plumber.
•     you don't think "getting older" jokes are funny.