Monday, December 31, 2007

"Why does my girlfriend always close her eyes when I kiss her?"
"Look in the mirror and you'll know."
A couple was touring the Capitol in Washington and the guide pointed to a gentleman as the congressional chaplain.
The lady asked, "What does the chaplain do? Does he pray for the House and Senate?"
The guide answered, "No, he gets up, takes one look at the Congress, then prays for the country!"

Sunday, December 30, 2007

In India, they now offer "wombs for rent." I can't help but wonder though - will there be room for my recliner and flat-screen?
A minister asked a little girl what she thought of her first church service.
"The music was nice," she replied, "but the commercial was too long.
WIFE: Why don't you ever wear your wedding ring?
HUSBAND: It cuts off my circulation.
WIFE: It's supposed to.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Q: What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
A: About 30 pounds.
Q: What food will reduce a woman's sex drive by 50%?
A: Wedding cake.
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Because real men don't stop and ask for directions.
Next year is an election year and with all of our problems, none of the politicians have come up with a solution to our biggest - how to keep anyone from winning the thing.
When my wife and I first got married, like most newlyweds, we struggled and I was only able to get her some inexpensive jewelry for Christmas. But she appreciated it nonetheless. As time went on, we naturally became more affluent and this year she was really excited with what I was able to get her - a gallon of gas.

Friday, December 28, 2007

President Bush got the news about Bhutto's assassination while on vacation. Much has been said about Bush taking more vacation than any other president in history. I don't have a problem with that, it's when he's not on vacation that he scares me.
I'm deathly afraid of doctors and with good reason - the first time I ever saw one, he slapped me.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

What a good thing Adam had - when he told a joke he knew no one had ever heard it before.
A rich Republican had car trouble while on a mountain holiday. He puttered into the yard of a rickety roadside gas station and called to the greasy, bearded attendant, "Have you had any experience with BMWs?"

"Buddy, if I could work on cars like that, I don't reckon I'd be here.