Sunday, August 31, 2008

It's been said, there are three kinds of lies.
Lies, Damned Lies, and anything said by a Republican.
If you think Hilary Clinton won 18 million votes because of her internal plumbing, you might be a Republican.

Monday, August 25, 2008

A tourist walked into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so striking he decided he must have it.

He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"

"$12 for the rat,$100 for the story," said the owner.

The tourist gave the man $12. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he began walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

He began to run toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay, and threw the bronze rat as far out into the water as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "you have come back for the story?"

"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican."

Friday, August 22, 2008

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just
outside of Washington, DC. Nothing is moving north or
south.

Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down
his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped President Bush, Vice President
Cheney, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter.
They are demanding a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they
are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on
fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a
collection."

The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The only good Republican is a dead ... No, wait! The dead ones stink too.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

What do you get when you offer a republican a penny for his thoughts?
Change.
You might be a Republican if... You think lies about Democrats are the truth and the truth about Republicans are lies.
A Republican was out jogging and he encountered a man with some puppies. The Republican asked the man what kind of puppies they were and the man responded, "They're Republican puppies,"

The Republican thought that this was so great that the next day he brought the wife to see these puppies for herself. He asked the man to tell his wife what kind of puppies they were and the man responded, "They're Democrat puppies." The Republican looked puzzled and said, "Yesterday, you told me that they were Republican puppies." The man smiled and said, "Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!"
And to know McCain's character, all you need to do is check the content of his Depends.
What happens when a republican has Alzheimer's?
His IQ goes up!
Have you ever voted Republican because you were too lazy to commit suicide?
McCain had a real penchant for crashing planes - he was the prototype for the crash test dummy.
Obama and McCain both were scheduled to appear in a church but McCain was 30 minutes late - his nap went longer than expected.

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Obama and McCain both were scheduled to appear in a church but McCain was 30 minutes late - actually he was early but he stopped by the confessional.

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Obama and McCain both were scheduled to appear in a church but McCain was 30 minutes late - he was trying to find the statue of himself nailed to a cross.
According to John McCain, the happiest years of his life were the 6 he spent in kindergarten.
McCain has been very successful raising money lately - of course his biggest contributor is still Geritol.
I'm not saying McCain is old but when he was in school, God was a year behind him.
I'm not saying McCain is old but when he was in school there were only 3 presidents.

And he couldn't remember them.